Dealing with disappointment

I learned that avoiding a child's disappointment can be harder than helping her deal with it.

Many parents today seem willing to go to ever-greater lengths to protect their kids from the pain of dashed expectations.

At parties we have to avoid playing musical chairs because someone ends up without a seat, feeling excluded. ....Lots of school sports teams for younger kids don't even bother to keep score anymore -- to prevent one team from feeling like losers. And all because we don't want our children to feel bad about themselves.

The irony is that disappointments are actually beneficial for kids. Learning to deal with setbacks helps them develop key characteristics they'll need to succeed, such as coping skills, emotional resilience, creative thinking, and the ability to collaborate. Parents see failure as a source of pain for their child instead of an opportunity for him to say, "I can deal with this. I'm strong", 

We should remember that Success leads to feeling good about yourself, not the other way around.

Every child is different,so  process of teaching them  values also varies

Be your child's guide, not his savior.
Talking about the situation....asking him to come up with solutions to the problem at hand,instead of giving them our ideas would help.

Afterall a parent can't be everywhere to solve their problems....they have to learn ways to overcome them.

Pare back the praise. 
Lavishing a child with compliments can do more harm than good. Kids who are overpraised become dependent on others for validation  and may end up needing a constant flow of positive feedback to feel valued.

 You get confidence from overcoming adversity, not from being told how great you are all the time,

Making an effort is something kids can be thought, and it instills in them the power to work harder and to deal with failure. However, if they attribute success to their intelligence but then fall short, they tend to lose their motivation.

That's not to say you should never praise your child, but a little goes a long way -- especially when it's specific. Instead of saying, "You're the best big sister ever," try,..... "It was nice that you helped your little sister in packing her bag."

 This shows her what she's doing well rather than just pumping her up.

Encourage them to try new things.
Parents often limit their kids by being overprotective.

Kids naturally gravitate toward the hobbies that interest them and at which they excel. But if your child avoids trying a different activity because she's afraid of how she'll perform, she'll lose the urge to broaden her horizons.

Make a point of introducing your child to new things while making it clear that she shouldn't feel the need to smash any world records at least not right away.our job is to emphasize effort and improvement..

Teach them to delay gratification.
Encouraging a child to wait helps him develop self-control, a skill he'll rely on throughout his life.

Many child psycologists say that if a child can control his impulses -- and keep his eyes on the prize -- he'll be better able to handle all sorts of challenges.

Be a good role model.
A child watches a parent like a hawk, so it's important to handle our own disappointments with grace.

Use phrases that will help your child cope with his own shortcomings, such as, "I'll try harder next time" or "I've done it once; I can do it again." And take responsibility when you goof up  This shows that adults make mistakes too -- and own up to them.

Manage expectations.
We can't prevent these things from happening, but we can reduce your child's distress by keeping her anticipation within reason. 

Rather than talking about exciting plans as guarantees, treat them as mere possibilities. Then if things don't work out in the end, you've cushioned the blow -- and reinforced the lesson that minor disappointments are a part of life.

when to step in:

You can't shield your child from every little setback, but there are times when she'll need your help.

If failing would cause him tremendous humiliation. .

If your child is in danger. 

If the child is  being bullied. 

Every child is different....so should be parenting.