Importance of friendship in kids....what can a parent do

The role friendships play throughout life is important, multifaceted and profound. To cite a Nigerian proverb, “Hold a true friend with both hands!” This overview shows how these wonderful friendships we all cherish in adult life evolves through the developmental stages of childhood and adolescence.

 Friendships in childhood begin as concrete relationships based on pleasurable experiences. As children grow-up, friendships evolve into a more abstract concept, one based upon mutual consideration and psychological satisfaction.

Friendships for children provide numerous important functions including 
companionship
 stimulation
 physical support
 ego-support
 social comparison
 intimacy, and affection. 
Each of these functions has a different degree of importance at different times during development. Many theorists view the development of friendships similarly to other areas of human development, as going through predictable progressive stages.

Friendships as a Handy Playmate

In the first stage, , friendship, for children seven-years old or younger, is based on physical or geographical considerations and is rather self-centered. A friend is a playmate who lives nearby and has “neat” toys. There is little or no understanding of the other person’s perspective or personality traits.

Friendship as Assistance and Mutual Trust

In the second stage, children between seven and nine begin to understand reciprocity and develop an awareness of the other child’s feelings.

In the preadolescent stage, children nine to twelve, have friendships based on a pattern of give and take. Friends are now seen as people who help each other. At this stage, children realize they can evaluate their friend’s behavior and that their behavior can conversely be evaluated. Trust, a benchmark of mature friendships, appears for the first time. 

During adolescence mature pattern of friendship develops with deepening trust and intimacy and increased pattern of empathy. Statements such as, “I can tell my friends anything” and, “I know how my friends feel without them telling me” are common statements during adolescence.

Friendships at this age provide many needed developmental structures beneficial to psychological health and competence. This includes opportunities to explore the self and develop a deeper understanding of another, provide support dealing with the stresses of everyday life, and improve attitudes toward and involvement in school.

Quality and Consequences of Friendship

Friendships contribute significantly to the development of social skills, such as being sensitive to other people’s point of view, learning the rules of conversation, and learning sex and age appropriate behaviors. They also help define both self and self worth.

Friends also have a powerful influence on a child’s positive and negative school performance and may also help to encourage, or discourage, deviant behaviors.

 Compared to children who lack friends, children with “good” friends have higher self-esteem. They are less likely to be lonely and act more prosocially. 

They are able to cope with life stresses and normal transitions and are also less victimized by peers. Interestingly, children with friends of both sexes, as a group, are more well adjusted and have greater social skills than children who have only same sex friendships.

• They will learn how to deal with conflict and adversity. Conflict does arise among friends and as parents you will find perfect opportunities to teach your children how to navigate through conflict.
• The ability to make decisions is increased when children play with peers without micromanaging from adults.
• The opportunity of playing freely with other children helps them develop their imagination which is important for a child’s development.
• Playing with a several children will allow them to know how other families operate and they won’t feel shocked when faced with a family situation that is somewhat different from their own.

what can parents do to encourage friendships in children.

Meet the parents of your child’s friends.

Value friendships over popularity.

Interview for coping, instead of pain.

Ask your child empowering questions.

Only help when your child truly needs or asks for help.

Consider both sides of a story.

Separate your childhood from your child’s.

Figure out if your child is at risk.

Most importantly lead by example....valuing and nurturing your own relations. 

Time Management.....A Child's play

Time management is really just a fancy way of describing the act of balancing more than one opportunity or responsibility at once. 

Like any other skill, it takes practice ...

 By showing your child early on how to manage his time, you are instilling a skill he can use long after he’s donned his college cap and gown. This is a skill he can use for a  lifetime.

 Time-management is essential for everyone. But if you can get your child to learn the main principles, that’s a tool they can use forever. It is a principle that impacts children’s emotional, social, physical, mental, financial and spiritual lives.

 It’s a skill every child needs to thrive. If we don't train them in good habits while they are young, they will spend the rest of their lives trying to shake a bad habit.

Managing time well gets harder as life goes on. The fact is, there are more opportunities in life than there is time to do them. 

Start kids early at learning how to weigh their options. Not every task is equally important and not every task is equally urgent. Help your child determine what things can or cannot wait, and then, depending upon what they choose to tackle first, discuss how that will affect the rest of his time that day. 

He’ll start to learn how much time he needs to allocate to certain responsibilities and will improve his productivity too.

1.Kids learn by example,so set the right example.If as a parent we stay organised .it is more likely that kids follow suit

2.Know your values

Begin teaching time management by establishing your family’s priorities.  Instead of thinking in minutes and hours, think of the big picture.  In our home it looks like this:

• God
• Family
• School
• Work
• Play
• Help them prioritise
• 3.Do less

Managing time is often about dropping less important activities more than it is about fitting in new activities.  Avoid overscheduling your kids.    It can be hard to say no to some of the amazing opportunities that come up during the course of a year.  Save yourself the trouble and know that some activities will have to go on the long term goal list.

4.Avoid procrastination

Teach kids to prioritize their responsibilities and deal with the difficult things first.  Getting your least favorite tasks out of the way early in the day helps to avoid the temptation to put the task off until a more ‘convenient’ time.

 Parents should not  put undue pressure on their kids, whose time in today’s hectic world is already so overmanaged. 

 Its important  for parents to be forgiving when their children don’t get it right. 

There is something to be said for letting the clouds roll by,  The idea, in the end, is to help kids make the best use of their work time, so, being kids, there’s still plenty of time for play.

“The ultimate goal is to help children build internal self-discipline and a capacity to manage themselves.”

It is participating that matters the most...

Children aren't born competing; it's something they learn. The best thing we can do for our kids, as parents and coaches, is to keep the amount of competition in youth sports from becoming excessive, to make having fun and learning the sport as important, if not more important than winning, especially for younger children. 
They will have a lifetime of competition soon enough.

It is a myth that fun has to be sacrificed if a child is to succeed at sports.
 Indeed, the only way an athlete will continue to play sports - regardless of level of ability - is if he or she is having fun.
 Athletes have to practice hard to reach an elite level. If it all work and no play, they simply won't keep playing. Success is determined by the player's own desire to succeed, which comes from a love of the game

Young athletes are not pint-sized professional athletes. They don't earn performance -based bonuses. They aren't going to be paid a dime more for scoring three goals per game than for scoring three goals in the entire season, or for being on a championship team instead of the team in the cellar.

So we need to treat them as kids, not major leaguers.

Ask kids about what they want to get out of sports, and the vast majority will say competitive games in which everyone plays and has fun. Given a choice between fun and winning, most would say having fun.
 They would rather play on a losing team than sit on the bench of a winning team. 
As children grow, mature, and improve their skills in playing a particular sport, they begin to see a pattern of successes and failures. Trained coaches call this "self-discovery," and it is a very important part of the learning process. Parents should encourage it.  Youth players need the freedom to experiment in practice and games, to take risks, to be creative. If winning is the only measure of "success," such experimentation is stifled and player development stunted. A successful competition is one where every player on both teams contributes, does his best, and respects his teammates, his opponents, and the rules.