Importance of friendship in kids....what can a parent do

The role friendships play throughout life is important, multifaceted and profound. To cite a Nigerian proverb, “Hold a true friend with both hands!” This overview shows how these wonderful friendships we all cherish in adult life evolves through the developmental stages of childhood and adolescence.

 Friendships in childhood begin as concrete relationships based on pleasurable experiences. As children grow-up, friendships evolve into a more abstract concept, one based upon mutual consideration and psychological satisfaction.

Friendships for children provide numerous important functions including 
companionship
 stimulation
 physical support
 ego-support
 social comparison
 intimacy, and affection. 
Each of these functions has a different degree of importance at different times during development. Many theorists view the development of friendships similarly to other areas of human development, as going through predictable progressive stages.

Friendships as a Handy Playmate

In the first stage, , friendship, for children seven-years old or younger, is based on physical or geographical considerations and is rather self-centered. A friend is a playmate who lives nearby and has “neat” toys. There is little or no understanding of the other person’s perspective or personality traits.

Friendship as Assistance and Mutual Trust

In the second stage, children between seven and nine begin to understand reciprocity and develop an awareness of the other child’s feelings.

In the preadolescent stage, children nine to twelve, have friendships based on a pattern of give and take. Friends are now seen as people who help each other. At this stage, children realize they can evaluate their friend’s behavior and that their behavior can conversely be evaluated. Trust, a benchmark of mature friendships, appears for the first time. 

During adolescence mature pattern of friendship develops with deepening trust and intimacy and increased pattern of empathy. Statements such as, “I can tell my friends anything” and, “I know how my friends feel without them telling me” are common statements during adolescence.

Friendships at this age provide many needed developmental structures beneficial to psychological health and competence. This includes opportunities to explore the self and develop a deeper understanding of another, provide support dealing with the stresses of everyday life, and improve attitudes toward and involvement in school.

Quality and Consequences of Friendship

Friendships contribute significantly to the development of social skills, such as being sensitive to other people’s point of view, learning the rules of conversation, and learning sex and age appropriate behaviors. They also help define both self and self worth.

Friends also have a powerful influence on a child’s positive and negative school performance and may also help to encourage, or discourage, deviant behaviors.

 Compared to children who lack friends, children with “good” friends have higher self-esteem. They are less likely to be lonely and act more prosocially. 

They are able to cope with life stresses and normal transitions and are also less victimized by peers. Interestingly, children with friends of both sexes, as a group, are more well adjusted and have greater social skills than children who have only same sex friendships.

• They will learn how to deal with conflict and adversity. Conflict does arise among friends and as parents you will find perfect opportunities to teach your children how to navigate through conflict.
• The ability to make decisions is increased when children play with peers without micromanaging from adults.
• The opportunity of playing freely with other children helps them develop their imagination which is important for a child’s development.
• Playing with a several children will allow them to know how other families operate and they won’t feel shocked when faced with a family situation that is somewhat different from their own.

what can parents do to encourage friendships in children.

Meet the parents of your child’s friends.

Value friendships over popularity.

Interview for coping, instead of pain.

Ask your child empowering questions.

Only help when your child truly needs or asks for help.

Consider both sides of a story.

Separate your childhood from your child’s.

Figure out if your child is at risk.

Most importantly lead by example....valuing and nurturing your own relations.